Tuesday, May 02, 2006
How Do You Know When You've Got a Boyfriend?
I have to laugh. It seems like this should be one of those jokes where the answers read things like:
-he's stopped bringing you flowers
-you take him for granted
-you need to buy sex toys to liven things back up
Though this question is serious. I was married for nine and a half years, if you'll recall. So this dating stuff is all new to me. I feel a little lost in many ways.
I can guess how I'll know. A few things come to mind:
-I'll have met his son
-I'll have met all of his friends (I've met a few of his friends but not all of them)
But there must be other signs I'm not thinking of. Can you think of any?
-he's stopped bringing you flowers
-you take him for granted
-you need to buy sex toys to liven things back up
Though this question is serious. I was married for nine and a half years, if you'll recall. So this dating stuff is all new to me. I feel a little lost in many ways.
I can guess how I'll know. A few things come to mind:
-I'll have met his son
-I'll have met all of his friends (I've met a few of his friends but not all of them)
But there must be other signs I'm not thinking of. Can you think of any?
Comments:
Usually the best sign, and the one I look for, is the one where I say: "Are you my boyfriend?" and they say "Yes."
That usually works for me because it is hard to misninterpret ;)
I am glad you are having fun!
That usually works for me because it is hard to misninterpret ;)
I am glad you are having fun!
LOL. Yes, that would be great. The thing is, when I first asked him, he said, "Later." When I asked him again, he said, "Well, what does that mean?" And I said, "I don't know," because I don't. So, I guess the short of it is that I *don't* have a boyfriend yet. He seemed comfortable with saying we're exclusive. But I want to know how will I know when he's my boyfriend. Like hell, if I'm going to *keep* asking. Of course, what makes me even more impatient about it is that I've decided I don't want to have sex with him until he's my boyfriend. But I want to have sex with him now. So I want him to say "yes," so I can feel like the sex is "legitimate," so to speak. I've never done this before - I've always had sex on the first date - LONG before I was in a relationship with the person. But now I'm wanting this to be something different.
I want to add - I don't want him to accept the label simply as a means of getting into my pants either.
I hope Mari won't mind my quoting her here. In an email, she said that boyfriend is "a label signifying a level of commitment. Like, if you have a boyfriend, then you are probably not seeing other people, nor available to do so. And you are probably planning to keep dating indefinitely." It seems we're halfway to that term - the exclusivity - but perhaps not the other half (the commitment to some kind of future). And that's okay. We're still getting to know one another. But the question remains - what do I need in order to feel good about having sex with him?
I hope Mari won't mind my quoting her here. In an email, she said that boyfriend is "a label signifying a level of commitment. Like, if you have a boyfriend, then you are probably not seeing other people, nor available to do so. And you are probably planning to keep dating indefinitely." It seems we're halfway to that term - the exclusivity - but perhaps not the other half (the commitment to some kind of future). And that's okay. We're still getting to know one another. But the question remains - what do I need in order to feel good about having sex with him?
Hey, Rob, you are very special to me, and I want sex between us to be very special too. That's why I want to wait until you are ready for us to date exclusively, and by that I mean, until you are comfortable being my boyfriend. I don't want you to feel any pressure, so I'll just leave it up to you to let me know when you are feeling that way. I can tell you that I am ready to be your girlfriend right now.
DQ - I couldn't agree more about the commitment to continuing to get to know one another. Even after 9 1/2 years of marriage, C and I are were still getting to know one another. It's a continual process as we are all ever evolving and changing.
Maggie - Well, there is certainly the desire to know where he is and what he's doing. But I'm also still enjoying doing my own thing without having to report out to anyone where I am at any given moment. Not that I'd ever keep someone posted minute-by-minute, but there is a certain freedom and independence that I'm still needing.
Jenny - Yikes! Scary. I don't sit well with putting myself out there on a limb like that. And to be honest, his hesitations have been enough to have me reconsider my own feelings about where we are at. And P.S. I was trying to keep R, like C, anonymous on this blog. LOL. But thanks for making me laugh reading his name on there this morning.
Maggie - Well, there is certainly the desire to know where he is and what he's doing. But I'm also still enjoying doing my own thing without having to report out to anyone where I am at any given moment. Not that I'd ever keep someone posted minute-by-minute, but there is a certain freedom and independence that I'm still needing.
Jenny - Yikes! Scary. I don't sit well with putting myself out there on a limb like that. And to be honest, his hesitations have been enough to have me reconsider my own feelings about where we are at. And P.S. I was trying to keep R, like C, anonymous on this blog. LOL. But thanks for making me laugh reading his name on there this morning.
Now that we have his name we can call every Rob we know and see if it is him that you are dating. Then we can torment his ass into commiting to the term "boyfriend"!!! WOOHOO A new project.
i had to laugh when i first saw the title and started to read on.
funny that we...grown woman..have to ask this. it sounds like something a teenager would be asking. but unfortunately adult relationships aren't easy and things sometimes still have a very "adolescent" feel to them
but i was reading your comments
and i like that u want to wait to have sex until u have some sort of "commitment" from him...boyfriend status.
i have always approached sex this way. i rather feel some bond, commitment from a guy before ever jumping into bed with him. i prefer it this way because it will mean there's a greater chance i won't be taking advantage of. i don't want a guy to be with me only for the sex.
as for how u know if his your boyfriend?
how about he calls u his girlfriend....when ur around other people. when u meet some of his family.
funny that we...grown woman..have to ask this. it sounds like something a teenager would be asking. but unfortunately adult relationships aren't easy and things sometimes still have a very "adolescent" feel to them
but i was reading your comments
and i like that u want to wait to have sex until u have some sort of "commitment" from him...boyfriend status.
i have always approached sex this way. i rather feel some bond, commitment from a guy before ever jumping into bed with him. i prefer it this way because it will mean there's a greater chance i won't be taking advantage of. i don't want a guy to be with me only for the sex.
as for how u know if his your boyfriend?
how about he calls u his girlfriend....when ur around other people. when u meet some of his family.
Bethanie - LOL. I think you should do that even though your Rob's are 1/4 of the way across the globe from me. I think that would be hysterical!
Dr. V - Yes, this has been reminding me of high school a fair amount. I think that's partly from a renewed sense of innocence that comes from this new approach to sex. At first there was a fear of being taken advantage of for me as well. But now there is more of a desire for sex to be emotionally connected. It's primarily been a physical thing for me, so this is a new approach for me, too.
And the news is: He asked me last night if I'd be his girlfriend! I'm elated as a thirteen year old girl - now there is the advantage to feeling adolescent! ;-)
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Dr. V - Yes, this has been reminding me of high school a fair amount. I think that's partly from a renewed sense of innocence that comes from this new approach to sex. At first there was a fear of being taken advantage of for me as well. But now there is more of a desire for sex to be emotionally connected. It's primarily been a physical thing for me, so this is a new approach for me, too.
And the news is: He asked me last night if I'd be his girlfriend! I'm elated as a thirteen year old girl - now there is the advantage to feeling adolescent! ;-)
