Tuesday, April 11, 2006
An Audience of One
Being single is so foreign to me, after having been married for over nine years. I'm finding the experience rather curious, actually. The loneliness of my last post is only one piece of this new life.
This morning, I woke up feeling all kinds of new insecurities. They hit me hardest while in the shower. The shower can do that for me.
I curled up on my hands and knees in the bottom of the tub and let myself cry. I used to do this sometimes, even when I was married, so I suppose it's not new to single life.
I noticed that I kind of left my body, and began to imagine how I would look to someone who saw me in the tub like that. Were my tears a performance?
Then I came back to myself and felt the shower against my back. The tears passed and once again, I feel I am a curious adventurer, checking out this new terrain.
BTW - check out this photo. These waves seem so like my emotional state these days.
This morning, I woke up feeling all kinds of new insecurities. They hit me hardest while in the shower. The shower can do that for me.
I curled up on my hands and knees in the bottom of the tub and let myself cry. I used to do this sometimes, even when I was married, so I suppose it's not new to single life.
I noticed that I kind of left my body, and began to imagine how I would look to someone who saw me in the tub like that. Were my tears a performance?
Then I came back to myself and felt the shower against my back. The tears passed and once again, I feel I am a curious adventurer, checking out this new terrain.
BTW - check out this photo. These waves seem so like my emotional state these days.
Comments:
I often think of tears being like a performance and often think of my motivation for crying as I am doing so (I know, i am such a fucking virgo). It is easy to use tears as manipulation or as an expected result, which is perhaps why I think too much about it. There are times that it helps a lot, and then I find it hard to start. I have a stash of tear-provoking media that gets the ball rolling.
God, that sounds like it is right out of a Dr. Phil show.
God, that sounds like it is right out of a Dr. Phil show.
it's hard.
i KNOW!
been there, done that...seriously i have...it's sometimes rejuvenating to cry...to physically release and then pick yourself up and shower off a new.
time will make things easier....be well...xo
i KNOW!
been there, done that...seriously i have...it's sometimes rejuvenating to cry...to physically release and then pick yourself up and shower off a new.
time will make things easier....be well...xo
# posted by 
: 10:45 AM
: 10:45 AM
I know that feeling too. I would say it's dissociation (not in the mood to spell check), but you know the psychological term for checking out of your body. A healthy release in this case, I'd say. Cries do that to me too. I cry in the shower too.
My word verification is "sjojboob" LOL.
My word verification is "sjojboob" LOL.
Tears are the release of the soul! After 20 yrs of marriage I found myself alone ( well 2 kids and a dog as well!)^ yrs later I enjoy it, there has been the 'odd' interlude, some lasting years, but never living with me, I cannot see me giving up my alone time and space. I tok up yoga and meditating and it realy helped. Have you read 'The Invitation ' by Orlah Mountain Dreamer, look it up on the web, and good luck in your new adventures ahead.
Bethanie - Oh, I totally use movies to get my tears started! I'm right there with you AND Dr. Phil. ;-)
Mitzzee & Jenny - I'm so delighted to hear I'm not the only one crying in the shower!
Pixie - Thanks for the book recommendation. I'll check it out.
Mitzzee & Jenny - I'm so delighted to hear I'm not the only one crying in the shower!
Pixie - Thanks for the book recommendation. I'll check it out.
Urbane - Thanks for sharing your experience. Yes, this next journey will surely be an interesting one for me, too.
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