Wednesday, February 15, 2006
Life-Altering News
I have been struggling with whether or not to even post about this. And if so, when... [sigh] Ummm... let's see... what to say and how to say it... Do I say anything at all? But this is my main blog. The first blog I ever wrote. And if I don't talk about my life, what is left of this blog? I'd have to close up shop, I suppose. So... here it is:
C and I have broken up.
It happened four days ago. Well, we'd been discussing the possibility for awhile, but the final decision was made four days ago.
We have shared a beautiful 9 1/2 years together. I have no regrets for the relationship we shared during that time. We have simply grown apart; our priorities coming to odds with one another. The grief from this gigantic loss has been painful and hard. (Yes, that was me sobbing in the bathroom during class yesterday). Fortunately, the grief has not been complicated by any animosity towards one another thus far. I hope, of course, that C and I will remain friends in the long run. We have a very long and rich shared history together and I would be very sad if that simply ended in its entirety.
No, no one has been abusing the other. Neither one of us is having an affair. The relationship has simply reached its end. I almost wish there was some dramatic explanation. It feels very surreal and confusing without one. How can one walk away from 9 1/2 years without a big drama, right?
I love C dearly and I know I always will. I, of course, worry that this will turn out to have been the biggest mistake of my life. But I can't possibly know the answer to that now. And if it is true, I will have to learn how to live with that.
So... as for you, my dear friends... I am now looking for alternative housing in San Francisco. I have looked at 4 apartments so far. I loved loved loved two of them, but they had already been rented to other people. So I'm still looking. So, if you hear of anything, please pass the word on to me.
C and I have broken up.
It happened four days ago. Well, we'd been discussing the possibility for awhile, but the final decision was made four days ago.
We have shared a beautiful 9 1/2 years together. I have no regrets for the relationship we shared during that time. We have simply grown apart; our priorities coming to odds with one another. The grief from this gigantic loss has been painful and hard. (Yes, that was me sobbing in the bathroom during class yesterday). Fortunately, the grief has not been complicated by any animosity towards one another thus far. I hope, of course, that C and I will remain friends in the long run. We have a very long and rich shared history together and I would be very sad if that simply ended in its entirety.
No, no one has been abusing the other. Neither one of us is having an affair. The relationship has simply reached its end. I almost wish there was some dramatic explanation. It feels very surreal and confusing without one. How can one walk away from 9 1/2 years without a big drama, right?
I love C dearly and I know I always will. I, of course, worry that this will turn out to have been the biggest mistake of my life. But I can't possibly know the answer to that now. And if it is true, I will have to learn how to live with that.
So... as for you, my dear friends... I am now looking for alternative housing in San Francisco. I have looked at 4 apartments so far. I loved loved loved two of them, but they had already been rented to other people. So I'm still looking. So, if you hear of anything, please pass the word on to me.
Comments:
I wish you a lot of luck in this transition my friend. You will be in my thoughts. Feel free to drop me a line if needed.
It's so painful to think of you, who I care so deeply for, crying hard all alone. You will get thru this. And so will C. I love you, my dear friend for life.
There's a Mary Englehart card (love her art) that I am thinking of that shows a person going down a road at an intersection, and the road she didn't take is labeled "No longer an option." The message on the card is something postive about just making a decision and going for it. You are a strong person. I'm glad that you and C have had a meaningful 9.5 yrs and not an abusive time together. I hope that you can continue with a friendship. Sending love to you both. You are both wonderful and strong people.
There's a Mary Englehart card (love her art) that I am thinking of that shows a person going down a road at an intersection, and the road she didn't take is labeled "No longer an option." The message on the card is something postive about just making a decision and going for it. You are a strong person. I'm glad that you and C have had a meaningful 9.5 yrs and not an abusive time together. I hope that you can continue with a friendship. Sending love to you both. You are both wonderful and strong people.
Sk8rn,
My heart goes out to both you and C!! A relationship that long and loving is sometimes rare indeed and I hope you can see the beauty that it has brought to both of your lives... Your words convey such a strength I find admirable. It is through your experience together that makes you all the more beautiful (don't forget) ... Hugs and Love!
Stella
My heart goes out to both you and C!! A relationship that long and loving is sometimes rare indeed and I hope you can see the beauty that it has brought to both of your lives... Your words convey such a strength I find admirable. It is through your experience together that makes you all the more beautiful (don't forget) ... Hugs and Love!
Stella
Stella - Thank you so much for your kind words.
Indigo - Yes, I believe our relationship could have ended a lot messier than it did and for that, I am thankful - surreal as it may be.
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Indigo - Yes, I believe our relationship could have ended a lot messier than it did and for that, I am thankful - surreal as it may be.
