Friday, July 29, 2005
Exhibitionism
I gave a talk to a group of about fifty nurses this week. I absolutely love public speaking. It scares the beegeezis (sp?) out of me, but I still adore doing it. Without doubt, the exhibitionist/performer in me loves being center stage. And normally that shows through in a positive way, I suppose.
This week, with all that was going on, however, the crowd that gathered at the podium when I was finished with my talk was much smaller than my usual fanfare. It saddened me that my performance had not been up to par. Of course, I was the last lecturer in an 8-hour day of lectures, so it was a tough crowd to start out with. But I could feel the difference in the experience. I wasn't fully present and a part of me felt deadened. A part of me also felt guilty for enjoying public speaking so much. I hate that I want attention, to be noticed, to be special.
This week, with all that was going on, however, the crowd that gathered at the podium when I was finished with my talk was much smaller than my usual fanfare. It saddened me that my performance had not been up to par. Of course, I was the last lecturer in an 8-hour day of lectures, so it was a tough crowd to start out with. But I could feel the difference in the experience. I wasn't fully present and a part of me felt deadened. A part of me also felt guilty for enjoying public speaking so much. I hate that I want attention, to be noticed, to be special.
Comments:
no, no, no. don't ever be afraid to admit something that brings out your joie de vivre. all of us like attention and it's all a matter of threshold. stay exactly the way you are.
Are u actually dressed as a punk while your a nurse? Boots, peircings, tatoos goes perfectly with that sexy white uniform... Or is that just a fantasy of mine?
transience - thank you so much for reminding me that I even have a joie de vivre. :-) You're the best.
Peter - Well, the tattoos don't wash off in the shower before going to work. :-)
Jax - You nailed the pin on the head... or the head on the pin? Whatever. Yes, my mojo is no go right now. And thanks for reassuring me that I'm not the only prima donna that exists. :-)
Peter - Well, the tattoos don't wash off in the shower before going to work. :-)
Jax - You nailed the pin on the head... or the head on the pin? Whatever. Yes, my mojo is no go right now. And thanks for reassuring me that I'm not the only prima donna that exists. :-)
sk8rn- look at it like this, too many people wallow in their sadness instead of doing the things they need to do make themselves feel better. you're strong enough to pull your self out the hole instead of digging in deeper.
and according to peter you're a pretty saucey nurse
and according to peter you're a pretty saucey nurse
anyone blogging wants a certain amount of attention, i think. so we can all related to some degree i'm sure.
i used to public speak, won many competitions, was validictorian too......so i know that feeling of anxious, nervous, excitement, but such fulfillment when it's done...and when you're out there getting your groove on.
you go girl! ;)
i used to public speak, won many competitions, was validictorian too......so i know that feeling of anxious, nervous, excitement, but such fulfillment when it's done...and when you're out there getting your groove on.
you go girl! ;)
# posted by 
: 12:41 PM
: 12:41 PM
mitzee- i can picture you doing the whole public speaking thing. of course i'm also picturing you doing as the sexy nurse thing. i like when i get to mix a fantasy or two together
wow, sk8rn. i'm terrified of public speaking. and being in the spotlight. hats off to you girl. even if your mojo's a little down, you still shine.
((hugs and love !!!))
((hugs and love !!!))
what's wrong with enjoying a lil bit of attention? :)
i am glad you are feeling better now. somehow i think the universe is always trying to teach us some lessson or the other and won't let up till we learn it and then it will be time for another lesson. :)
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i am glad you are feeling better now. somehow i think the universe is always trying to teach us some lessson or the other and won't let up till we learn it and then it will be time for another lesson. :)
