Wednesday, July 27, 2005
Crank Call
Okay. I am barely keeping myself together these days. Oh, so many people, especially those who've been through what I am going through, assure me what an incredible fucking job I'm doing. How impressed with me they are.
To hell.
It's all to hell.
I came so close. So close to breaking my promise today. My promise to myself. I mean, who would I be hurting by breaking it? Only me, right? And I am a schmuck, so who gives a shit if I dig my hole deeper? They tell me rock bottom is as deep as I keep digging.
I am trying hard not to curse. I type the words out and back space, back space, back space, back space.
Though why give up cursing now? I could use at least one vice in my life.
But I'm trying to come off to you - and to myself - as being saner than I suppose I truly am.
I do cut myself some slack.
I allow myself mini indulgences. Though they only make me feel worse. Way worse. And the temptation to break my promise is so much harder then.
It hurts.
Like hell.
So, yeah, the title of this post.
I got a crank call today.
I can barely handle the normal day-to-day of life right now, so crank calls are just about enough to throw me completely over the f***ing edge.
So... in the unlikely event that my crank caller is reading this - please identify yourself. As my number is unlisted, I have to assume that if you've got my phone number, you've got my email, too. If you won't call to say it was you, please email and say so.
Not knowing who was on the other end of that call was way worse than I'll feel if you admit it.
I'm feeling rather creeped out with the not knowing of it. My tattered brain comes up with all kinds of scary fantasies about serial killers. So please tell me who you are. Well, at least assure me you're not a mass murderer.
But if you're not brave enough to identify yourself, at least don't do it again. I can't handle it.
Seriously.
Not right now.
To hell.
It's all to hell.
I came so close. So close to breaking my promise today. My promise to myself. I mean, who would I be hurting by breaking it? Only me, right? And I am a schmuck, so who gives a shit if I dig my hole deeper? They tell me rock bottom is as deep as I keep digging.
I am trying hard not to curse. I type the words out and back space, back space, back space, back space.
Though why give up cursing now? I could use at least one vice in my life.
But I'm trying to come off to you - and to myself - as being saner than I suppose I truly am.
I do cut myself some slack.
I allow myself mini indulgences. Though they only make me feel worse. Way worse. And the temptation to break my promise is so much harder then.
It hurts.
Like hell.
So, yeah, the title of this post.
I got a crank call today.
I can barely handle the normal day-to-day of life right now, so crank calls are just about enough to throw me completely over the f***ing edge.
So... in the unlikely event that my crank caller is reading this - please identify yourself. As my number is unlisted, I have to assume that if you've got my phone number, you've got my email, too. If you won't call to say it was you, please email and say so.
Not knowing who was on the other end of that call was way worse than I'll feel if you admit it.
I'm feeling rather creeped out with the not knowing of it. My tattered brain comes up with all kinds of scary fantasies about serial killers. So please tell me who you are. Well, at least assure me you're not a mass murderer.
But if you're not brave enough to identify yourself, at least don't do it again. I can't handle it.
Seriously.
Not right now.
Comments:
often times i think the universe likes to kick you when you're down because you're an easy target.
i wish i could help, possibly talk to you and help you get through this. when we're in these situation we forget that you can make through. sometimes we need to be reminded that you can.
or you can just vent your frustrations, a good healthy string of explitives.
the last thing you need are bumper sticker Philosophies. things like "everything happens for a reason," and "when life gives you lemons..."
if you wanna e-mail me go for it, i can try to help or just make you laugh (after all, just look at my typos.)
i wish i could help, possibly talk to you and help you get through this. when we're in these situation we forget that you can make through. sometimes we need to be reminded that you can.
or you can just vent your frustrations, a good healthy string of explitives.
the last thing you need are bumper sticker Philosophies. things like "everything happens for a reason," and "when life gives you lemons..."
if you wanna e-mail me go for it, i can try to help or just make you laugh (after all, just look at my typos.)
horrid creatures, crank callers. i know that feeling. i'm sorry that had u in such a state.
# posted by 
: 9:27 AM
: 9:27 AM
i'm not a fan of crank calls either, but then again i screw with telemarketers so what does that say?
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