Friday, July 01, 2005
A Birthday I May Not Hate
I found out yesterday that Coco and her girlfriend Reba are paying for me to have surfing lessons today as my birthday present. My birthday isn't for a few days still, but the timing couldn't be more perfect. Every year, I go through a nasty depression leading up to my birthday. It's absolutely, positively my least favorite day of the year. And it is not at all an issue of getting older (well, okay, maybe a little bit). But primarily, I get overwhelmed by insecurity and obsessed with wondering if I have any friends.
It seems a stupid thing to wonder in the light of recent events - drinks with Kitkat and S two nights ago, visiting with N at Gay Pride, emails with Jenny, instant messages from Ben, phone calls from Debra. And although in an odd way, I feel dumped by Mari, having had to return the keys to her studio, she did give me an easel and a large stack of cd's that she made for me for my birthday.
And yet still, I am plagued by this annual doubt.
It's an annoying, stupid little pity party that I throw for myself annually. I'm hoping that the water that will surely flush out my nasal passages when I first fall into the ocean while learning to surf will also clear my brain of this nonsense!
It seems a stupid thing to wonder in the light of recent events - drinks with Kitkat and S two nights ago, visiting with N at Gay Pride, emails with Jenny, instant messages from Ben, phone calls from Debra. And although in an odd way, I feel dumped by Mari, having had to return the keys to her studio, she did give me an easel and a large stack of cd's that she made for me for my birthday.
And yet still, I am plagued by this annual doubt.
It's an annoying, stupid little pity party that I throw for myself annually. I'm hoping that the water that will surely flush out my nasal passages when I first fall into the ocean while learning to surf will also clear my brain of this nonsense!
Comments:
really i have never looked at it this way. i like my birthdays and am uneasy about the attention. as i get older i might not like them as much. actually probably i will.
hope you have fun w/surfing lessons!
hope you have fun w/surfing lessons!
egad, i am such an egoist. i like birthdays. maybe because i am hopelessly spoiled by friends? i am the youngest, see. have a great, great one, dear.
your birthday is the one day out of the year that you get to celebrate your self. take advantage and get free drinks.
then do a drunk post!
people love drunk posts
then do a drunk post!
people love drunk posts
Jax - Yeah, yeah, yeah. Paranoia has got to be a totally unrealistic, biochemical brain thing, I know. Though, wait. No one has met me for coffee in months. Maybe I *don't* have any friends. ;-)
Lorena - Yeah, I can't remember when I started dreading my birthdays so much. But perhaps the excitement of surfing will wash away bad associations for future birthdays. ;-)
Transience - Well, I certainly felt spoiled this year. So maybe I'll learn to like them, too.
Debra - And you have been one of the nicest of all. Thank you!
Jenny - Hmmmm... Maybe I learned to hate my birthdays after watching that movie. Molly Ringwald made hating birthdays cool. ;-)
Mari - Awwwww... Thank you. Hmmmm... As for the keys to your apartment... ;-) Kidding.
Exile - And you think I ever post sober because.... ;-)
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Lorena - Yeah, I can't remember when I started dreading my birthdays so much. But perhaps the excitement of surfing will wash away bad associations for future birthdays. ;-)
Transience - Well, I certainly felt spoiled this year. So maybe I'll learn to like them, too.
Debra - And you have been one of the nicest of all. Thank you!
Jenny - Hmmmm... Maybe I learned to hate my birthdays after watching that movie. Molly Ringwald made hating birthdays cool. ;-)
Mari - Awwwww... Thank you. Hmmmm... As for the keys to your apartment... ;-) Kidding.
Exile - And you think I ever post sober because.... ;-)
