Friday, May 20, 2005
Jealousy - part 3
In response to my last post, CHAMELEOCOM wrote a post on his own blog saying
"There is a reason people get jealous - to avoid pain and suffering.(along with all of the genetic reasons). So, wouldn't it be safe to assume that those apparently without jealousy enjoy pain, or fear it the most - and are more apt to deal out the suffering and pain, to avoid it themselves?"
And here is my response which I posted as a comment on his blog (sorry I don't have trackback on this blog):
---------------------------------------------------------
Interesting perspective, though I'm sure you can already guess that I don't agree. ;-) I think I should love C enough to ultimately want nothing more than her happiness. I think jealousy is about possession. "Yikes! Someone may take my lover from me." But if that other person makes her happier, then perhaps that is best. Though truly, I am the only one who can determine whether or not I am happy. So perhaps I don't fully buy my own argument on that point. But I am still figuring it out. I think jealousy is normal... well, at least it's common and frequent in everyone's life. Not that it is so normal that it should be accepted. But is jealousy for our own preservation as you suggest or is it a symptom of insecurity and fear of losing a possession or fear of dissatisfaction? I don't know. If C left me for someone else, I would hope that she would still love me. And truly, that's all I can hope for whether she stays or leaves, is it not? C rarely gets jealous. But I think it's because she is secure in herself and because she trusts me. Anyway, I don't know the answers. I'm sure there are entire books written on jealousy. Meanwhile, I'm just trying to figure it out.
------------------------------------------------------------------
There is a lot of fuel for thought in all of these discussions on jealousy.
I had someone "steal my lover" as CHAMELEOCOM described in his aforementioned post. Does that make me more jealous? Perhaps it does. But looking back, that lover left me for many reasons and I would say that the "other woman" was barely on that list.
This whole concept of people "stealing" our lovers away seems like a mute point if we are being truly as loving as we are humanly capable of being.
"There is a reason people get jealous - to avoid pain and suffering.(along with all of the genetic reasons). So, wouldn't it be safe to assume that those apparently without jealousy enjoy pain, or fear it the most - and are more apt to deal out the suffering and pain, to avoid it themselves?"
And here is my response which I posted as a comment on his blog (sorry I don't have trackback on this blog):
---------------------------------------------------------
Interesting perspective, though I'm sure you can already guess that I don't agree. ;-) I think I should love C enough to ultimately want nothing more than her happiness. I think jealousy is about possession. "Yikes! Someone may take my lover from me." But if that other person makes her happier, then perhaps that is best. Though truly, I am the only one who can determine whether or not I am happy. So perhaps I don't fully buy my own argument on that point. But I am still figuring it out. I think jealousy is normal... well, at least it's common and frequent in everyone's life. Not that it is so normal that it should be accepted. But is jealousy for our own preservation as you suggest or is it a symptom of insecurity and fear of losing a possession or fear of dissatisfaction? I don't know. If C left me for someone else, I would hope that she would still love me. And truly, that's all I can hope for whether she stays or leaves, is it not? C rarely gets jealous. But I think it's because she is secure in herself and because she trusts me. Anyway, I don't know the answers. I'm sure there are entire books written on jealousy. Meanwhile, I'm just trying to figure it out.
------------------------------------------------------------------
There is a lot of fuel for thought in all of these discussions on jealousy.
I had someone "steal my lover" as CHAMELEOCOM described in his aforementioned post. Does that make me more jealous? Perhaps it does. But looking back, that lover left me for many reasons and I would say that the "other woman" was barely on that list.
This whole concept of people "stealing" our lovers away seems like a mute point if we are being truly as loving as we are humanly capable of being.
Comments:
jealousy is so hard to define simply because it's an all too human response that, in my opinion, all boils down to chemistry. i guess what's more important than understanding the roots of jealousy is working out a way to act on it constructively. this was an enlightening post and it made me reflect a bit. thanks for sharing.
Yes, this is a thought provoking topic. It inspires me to think and write more about jealousy too...when I make the time.
i must agree with my dear friend transience -- this post did make me reflect a bit. and i agree with you. when we are doing the best we can to love a person, jealousy isn't for us to worry about. if a lover was indeed "stolen" by another person, in your words, "that lover left me for many reasons and I would say that the "other woman" was barely on that list". well said. :)
usually i have seen love is one of the most selfish emotions...we love most that which gives us most happiness...although of course its about the giving too but well, i;m digressig...according to me, jealousy is about being insecure as a person, about being afraid that the one we love will find someone better than us and leave us and then the big fear of being left alone. so one level, it is important to grow as a person and become more secure in your own self and in your ability to deal with loneliness. On another level, its about how much secure our partner makes us feel and how much important our relationship is to him....but jealousy hurts like hell.
i forgot to say...thank you for commenting on my blog :) hope to see you again there.
i forgot to say...thank you for commenting on my blog :) hope to see you again there.
that's funny i had a post with lucinda william's lyrics for the steal your love song. i personally don't think you can steal love from someone else. if love happens and one relationship ends, then that is how its meant to go. i think some amount of jealously is healthy. i am a jealous person in the early stages of liking someone. i think its more stronger at that time because you don't know where you stand with the other person. a little jealousy is good.
Post a Comment
