Monday, March 07, 2005
Bisexual Mystery Dreams
I haven't written much lately because:
1) I've been incredibly busy
2) I've been very distracted
But I have been having lots of vivid dreams which are finally inspring me to say "to hell with everything else. I'm gonna blog!" I assume lots of dreams means my brain has lots of info it's trying to process in my sleep.
The theme as of late has been adjusting to my still new-ish bisexual identity. For those of you who may be just joining us - I have identified as a lesbian for over 12 years and recently came to an awareness that my sexuality is not as 100% gay as I thought it was. I think the % straight is yet to be determined. As when anything is new, it likely appears larger now than it truly is. But it's there nonetheless for the processing.
I generally think of dreams and dream-analysis as JennyNYC's territory. But all the truths she reveals in her dreams must be feeding my own dream juices. I've always remembered my dreams. But I think I pay attention to them more due to reading her dream blog.
So the recent dreams... Actually, maybe I'll only share one for now.
In this dream, C and I moved into a new apartment. A man helped us move in. Once we were done moving, I expected him to leave, but instead, he walked in and crashed out on our bed. I suddenly felt very confused and uncertain.
As C and I got ready for bed, I looked around and saw another bed in the room. In my mind, I assumed C would sleep there and wondered if I was going to have to sleep on the floor. Now in real life, C and I share a bed. But in this dream, this man's presence suddenly made me uncertain of my place in C's life (and thus my place in bed). Unexpectedly, C crawled into bed with the moving man. Although surprised, I was a little relieved to realize that I would have a bed to sleep in.
I'll try JennyNYC's approach and let you sit with that dream and tell me what you think it means. Though I will post my own interpretation as the first comment for reference.
1) I've been incredibly busy
2) I've been very distracted
But I have been having lots of vivid dreams which are finally inspring me to say "to hell with everything else. I'm gonna blog!" I assume lots of dreams means my brain has lots of info it's trying to process in my sleep.
The theme as of late has been adjusting to my still new-ish bisexual identity. For those of you who may be just joining us - I have identified as a lesbian for over 12 years and recently came to an awareness that my sexuality is not as 100% gay as I thought it was. I think the % straight is yet to be determined. As when anything is new, it likely appears larger now than it truly is. But it's there nonetheless for the processing.
I generally think of dreams and dream-analysis as JennyNYC's territory. But all the truths she reveals in her dreams must be feeding my own dream juices. I've always remembered my dreams. But I think I pay attention to them more due to reading her dream blog.
So the recent dreams... Actually, maybe I'll only share one for now.
In this dream, C and I moved into a new apartment. A man helped us move in. Once we were done moving, I expected him to leave, but instead, he walked in and crashed out on our bed. I suddenly felt very confused and uncertain.
As C and I got ready for bed, I looked around and saw another bed in the room. In my mind, I assumed C would sleep there and wondered if I was going to have to sleep on the floor. Now in real life, C and I share a bed. But in this dream, this man's presence suddenly made me uncertain of my place in C's life (and thus my place in bed). Unexpectedly, C crawled into bed with the moving man. Although surprised, I was a little relieved to realize that I would have a bed to sleep in.
I'll try JennyNYC's approach and let you sit with that dream and tell me what you think it means. Though I will post my own interpretation as the first comment for reference.
Comments:
In this dream, I think both C and I represent different parts of me. The part of me that I think of as myself is the part of me that I have identified as for the past 12 years. C represents this new part of myself that I've recently become aware of. I've struggled a lot with this new identity in part due to a long history of shame around my early adolescent experiences with straight sex - almost all of which occurred within the context of disfunctional relationships - see recent posts on Brian as an example. So I think I have found this new identity unsettling and have worried about who I'd be at the end of the day so to speak. Would "I" still exist even? Of course, we are all evolving every day so that question in itself may seem silly. But with every growth there is also a loss of that old self. I think as this dream illustrates, I'm finally realizing that despite how unsettling this new identity has been for me, I really haven't changed all that much. There is still room for my old self in this new identity.
Dreams about beds are always interesting, very symbolic...having a place to sleep. I'll email you more privately about this dream.
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