Monday, February 14, 2005
Ex-Lover Email Advice
Okay, is it just me or are some random emails that appear from ex's just simply bizarre? I just got an email from an ex-lover whom I haven't spoken with since about 1988 (Okay, I've already admitted my age in a prior post, so this isn't giving away anything, right?). :-)
A couple of months ago, I started getting these cryptic emails from him. He found my email address through one of those reunion websites. The first email was short and contained a request for my phone number. I wrote back, explained that I am in a very serious relationship and that I am not interested (in case that was what he was looking for). But I wrote that I was willing to be friendly via email. I told him a little about my life now. About a month later, I got a similarly brief email, telling me in about two sentences that he owns a pizza parlor and that he occasionally comes to San Francisco to visit his best friend who lives out here. He again asked for my phone number. I wrote back again, trying to be friendly, but again refusing to send my phone number and I get this response:
"whats up? going to LA LA Land today i came across this old email with your address. how are things ? my pizza biz is booming! send me some info and your phone # really would like to talk. got to go brian"
Okay, first of all, what is "LA LA Land?" Can anyone enlighten me? I have no idea what this means.
I'm guessing from the recurring brief notes that he doesn't type much. I am not much of a phone chatter. If I see people live, I love to chat. I love to email and blog. But I don't really enjoy chatting on the phone. Is that weird?
I also just don't know what to make of these short notes. Why is he so anxious to get me on the phone?
We were never really friends, even when we were lovers. So I just can't figure out what he's after.
What do you all think? Is he ignoring my emails that explained that I am unavailable and suddenly hoping for some Valentine's lovin'? Creating a dilusion in his head? Exaggerating memories from our high school affair?
In any case, I will not be sharing my phone number and am not even sure I'm going to email back after this one. Or should I email him and try to help break him from this spell? Or email him and see if he truly is just looking for friendship? But why would he be looking to make friends when we were never friends to begin with? Based on how brief all of his emails have been, I'm not sure I could get an answer from him to any of these questions without calling. But I don't really want to talk to him on the phone. And truthfully, I guess I'm not so sure I'm interested in being friends with him regardless. Does that seem mean? He was part of my life at a time I was still figuring a lot out. And I've kind of left a lot of that mess behind and kind of want to keep it in the past. But is that unfair? After all, he is just another human being, right? But does that mean I need to be friends with everyone?
C is very perplexed. She knows that I love to get back in touch with long lost pals. And that I'm often found cruising the web for folks I've lost touch with. And yet, here is an opportunity and I am wanting to turn it away.
Ooooh, freaky, I am getting some serious dejavu as I write this.
Hmmm... decisions, decisions.
(to be continued)
A couple of months ago, I started getting these cryptic emails from him. He found my email address through one of those reunion websites. The first email was short and contained a request for my phone number. I wrote back, explained that I am in a very serious relationship and that I am not interested (in case that was what he was looking for). But I wrote that I was willing to be friendly via email. I told him a little about my life now. About a month later, I got a similarly brief email, telling me in about two sentences that he owns a pizza parlor and that he occasionally comes to San Francisco to visit his best friend who lives out here. He again asked for my phone number. I wrote back again, trying to be friendly, but again refusing to send my phone number and I get this response:
"whats up? going to LA LA Land today i came across this old email with your address. how are things ? my pizza biz is booming! send me some info and your phone # really would like to talk. got to go brian"
Okay, first of all, what is "LA LA Land?" Can anyone enlighten me? I have no idea what this means.
I'm guessing from the recurring brief notes that he doesn't type much. I am not much of a phone chatter. If I see people live, I love to chat. I love to email and blog. But I don't really enjoy chatting on the phone. Is that weird?
I also just don't know what to make of these short notes. Why is he so anxious to get me on the phone?
We were never really friends, even when we were lovers. So I just can't figure out what he's after.
What do you all think? Is he ignoring my emails that explained that I am unavailable and suddenly hoping for some Valentine's lovin'? Creating a dilusion in his head? Exaggerating memories from our high school affair?
In any case, I will not be sharing my phone number and am not even sure I'm going to email back after this one. Or should I email him and try to help break him from this spell? Or email him and see if he truly is just looking for friendship? But why would he be looking to make friends when we were never friends to begin with? Based on how brief all of his emails have been, I'm not sure I could get an answer from him to any of these questions without calling. But I don't really want to talk to him on the phone. And truthfully, I guess I'm not so sure I'm interested in being friends with him regardless. Does that seem mean? He was part of my life at a time I was still figuring a lot out. And I've kind of left a lot of that mess behind and kind of want to keep it in the past. But is that unfair? After all, he is just another human being, right? But does that mean I need to be friends with everyone?
C is very perplexed. She knows that I love to get back in touch with long lost pals. And that I'm often found cruising the web for folks I've lost touch with. And yet, here is an opportunity and I am wanting to turn it away.
Ooooh, freaky, I am getting some serious dejavu as I write this.
Hmmm... decisions, decisions.
(to be continued)
Comments:
I say give the whole thing a miss. Odds are the guy's decided, at the least, that there was some missed opportunity between the two of you. Hey, we all look back and reevaluate - so, whatever. Maybe it's just that innocent. Odds are though, he's looking either for a "hook-up," or he's looking for a relationship but he's a bit of a ... well, a shallow idiot. Why else would he almost immediately tell you he's a successful business owner - he's trying to wow you. He's either trying to line up some lovin', or is looking for (and thinks you are) the kind of girl who's going to be easily impressed by money.
He's most likely not any sort of person you're going to find particularly interesting or enjoyable, and it's quite possible he's actually at least a bit of a jerk. Give it a miss.
wow, that was long-winded.
Meanwhile, I feel the exact same way about methods of communication. I think I know why it works out that way, though. In IRL conversations, there are facial expressions to convey subtle nuances, and momentary silences for reflection can still be comfortable, 'cause of the physical presence. And online, be it via email, blogs or chatting, delays are standard - posting, sending, or even just typing, all these build in delay time where one can also be thinking through. But on the phone, which is entirely sound-based, a pause for thought, or just a moment of having nothing to say, creates a complete deadening of the entire system. The phone's got nothing more than talktalktalk going for it, so it gets uncomfortable for any normal pace of interaction.
I have now written more on this comment than I have on my own blog, I think. Right. 'nough. Sorry.
He's most likely not any sort of person you're going to find particularly interesting or enjoyable, and it's quite possible he's actually at least a bit of a jerk. Give it a miss.
wow, that was long-winded.
Meanwhile, I feel the exact same way about methods of communication. I think I know why it works out that way, though. In IRL conversations, there are facial expressions to convey subtle nuances, and momentary silences for reflection can still be comfortable, 'cause of the physical presence. And online, be it via email, blogs or chatting, delays are standard - posting, sending, or even just typing, all these build in delay time where one can also be thinking through. But on the phone, which is entirely sound-based, a pause for thought, or just a moment of having nothing to say, creates a complete deadening of the entire system. The phone's got nothing more than talktalktalk going for it, so it gets uncomfortable for any normal pace of interaction.
I have now written more on this comment than I have on my own blog, I think. Right. 'nough. Sorry.
LA LA Land= Los Angeles
I totally agree with you on the phone thing. Email, blog, face to face: fine. Phone: not okay. Maybe its just that my hearing is deadened from my earplug-less punk shows, but I just have a hard time concentrating on a phone conversation.
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I totally agree with you on the phone thing. Email, blog, face to face: fine. Phone: not okay. Maybe its just that my hearing is deadened from my earplug-less punk shows, but I just have a hard time concentrating on a phone conversation.
