Pandora's Box

Tonight, C planned a barbecue in our backyard in honor of my birthday. I will preface this tale with a few words regarding how I feel about my birthday - I hate it. Every year the days leading up to July 6th cause me an immense amount of stress and anxiety. This year has been no different. Though now that we've had the main celebration (the bbq tonight), I can probably make it the next two days until my birthday with no further emotional damage. Why do I hate my birthday? For one, I hate getting older. No more needs to be said about that. But I also hate worrying that no one likes/loves me (well, no one except for C, of course). I don't feel this uncertain about being liked/loved during any other time of the year. I have a phobia regarding my birthday that specifically inspires these insecurities. It's sad. C keeps chanting, "It's just your birthday. It's just your birthday. You're making too much of a big deal about it." That train of pep-talking doesn't really help any. Boozing me up about two weeks beforehand would probably be more effective.